scribbled sentiments

          Little miss me was starting to get grumpy, extremely tired, exhausted, and was really frustrated because almost everything I wanted to do, I could not. The things I planned to accomplish that day just didn’t happen, nothing seemed to fall into place, and it’s just not what I expected for things to turn out last Tuesday. I’ve been walking non-stop the whole day, bathed in the scorching heat of the sun, went from office to office, rode long and irritating jeepney rides, spent hundreds for cabs to spin me around the city, and my back was killing me! I felt like a 90-year old granny suffering from arthritis with my muscle pains on that fateful day. The temperature was a good 25 degrees centigrade, the sun showed no mercy, the heat made me more exasperated, and to my already tan skin, one word: aeta.

And with all those said, and much, much more, still, only very little was done! I was starting to hate it. But I mean c’mon, how silly was I to think that the enrolment process in UP would be a breeze, because it’s so far from being a walk in the park! I knew better. I knew really well that this time of the year we call enrolment is dreaded by everyone because of the hassle that comes along with it. But seriously, I didn’t know it would be that bad this time…

I woke up 5:30, got to school before the offices opened and waited with sheena. I was already one day late for the enrolment in UP. Because if you’re coming from a faraway land like I do, you would know exactly how hard it is to talk your parents out of letting you leave home early. It was the least they could do actually, ‘coz they sometimes tend to convince you to do the late registration… hmp!

Anyway I got lucky and left for cebu on the 7^th. From Mactan Airport I went straight home, took a quick bath, and though still a little nauseated from the trip, I went to school and processed the things I could with the last remaining hour before the faculty office closes. By the time I got there, almost all of my classmates were done with their enrolment. I was still working on my clearance.

Back to November 8. Realizing I needed an affidavit of loss for my school ID before I could jumpstart my enrolment, I got into a 17D jeepney and then walked to the city hall. Boy was I sweating hard. Before I could reach the entrance, a guy then approached me and asked, “Affidavit?”

I swore he was psychic.

After ten minutes, I got my affidavit of loss from him signed by a lawyer I never met. He then overcharged me for his services, asking for 120 pesos when I was sure I was only to pay him 50. I didn’t argue anymore though since he was so determined to trick me, I was too busy for a con like him.

Another long jeepney ride to school. I almost fell off when I got in. This gave the nasty conductor a chance to get his filthy hands on me when he caught my back. If he weren’t such a pervert, I could have thanked him for saving my life.

I was so excited to get on with my enrolment. But my bubble of enthusiasm burst when I was told that our adviser didn’t report the whole morning. And nobody knew if she’ll ever come after the lunch break. Still, I waited for her for four hours I think. So everything got stranded. Whew! I wave of disappointed made my eye browse a little closer to each other and made me smile less, or not smile at all. I then decided to make use of the time and withdraw my money for tuition.

I inserted the card to the machine that has sustained my very existence for the past two years. Pressed a couple of buttons. Happy to be getting money. And then… shoot!! “What was that again?” Holy smokes… this isn’t happening. I forgot my PIN!!!!!!!!

I’m dead.

OK. Calm down. You know this one. 7-4-7…. Argh!!! Uhm… was it zero or three???? Oh brother! This is so typically me. OK. One more time, keep breathing… 7-4-7-0. Voila!!

WRONG PIN

Waaaaa!!! I knew it, it was three!! Okay, another try. 7-4-7-3. Yes!!! I just know I got it right….

WRONG PIN.

Or not.

“Oh Lord… wisdom. C’mon! I know those digits are out here somewhere in my tiny brain… C’mon, spill it out! Argh…..” I had to think about my last number combinations because one mistake could mean fatal for my card.

I had to think it through so I left the ATM, thinking that a little walk in the mall would refresh my dull memory. As I walked inside, it finally hit me! Yeah!!! I got it… I actually remembered!! Woopidoo!! Back to the ATM I go… Lalalala… I got the digits….

I pressed the numbers—- and holding my breath I pushed the last button. Oh God, oh God, oh God….

MAXIMUM NUMBER OF INCORRECT PIN ENTRIES. CARD HAS BEEN RETAINED.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!! You’re kidding me right??? This cant be happening!! Is this a joke??”

I wanted to cry so bad that moment. How I wished Ashton Kutcher would jump out with his crew and take me out of this miserable reality. But oh yeah, i forgot, I’m not that big of a celebrity just yet. So I just have to deal with this stinky situation at hand.

“Okay God, what next?”

I was still standing there, staring furiously at the monster that ate my baby. I dialled the number plastered on the machine and at the other end of the line was this guy from Manila instructing me on what to do with my predicament. He said I should go to one of the Landbank branches, and so I did, over at Escario. Getting there I talked to one of the tellers, who then said that I should go to their other branch because they were the ones who control the machine in Ayala. And so I did. And I was already getting really irritated this time, and really dead beat too. When I got to the P. Del Rosario branch, I went in and the lady blew me off because I didn’t have a priority number. Fine, you don’t have to be so mean about it though.

It was my turn. I couldn’t wait till I get my hands on my card because I just had to finish the enrolment TODAY. What the teller told me though broke my heart. “Sorry ma’am, you can’t get your card yet. Tomorrow after lunch pa po.” I was pissed all the way.

I negotiated for awhile, asking the tellers for options. But they just couldn’t give me one. There was only one thing they could suggest. Wait till tomorrow.

Mommy……….

I was seriously mad. I just wanted to get on the floor and just whine and cry like a toddler. But I just turned 18, so no can’t do.

Saying I was frustrated would be an understatement. Because I was just freakin pissed big time.

I got back to school coz I had no other choice. I went about with the enrolment process. It was arduous, as always. It was crazy and frustrating. Just use your imagination. Walking back and forth the campus, risking my life every time because I’m bad at crossing the street, I was grouchy and definitely not at my best mood. I was having a bad day, a very bad day. I could almost hear Daniel Powter screaming his chorus at me.

I don’t remember what particular instant that was when the day was almost over that I snapped and realized something I should’ve kept in mind the whole day. PATIENCE. God was trying to teach me that. I prayed so hard for Him to give me favour in all my transactions for the day. Obviously favour I did not have. But God had something different in mind. He wanted me to learn to be affable in horrible occasions. He wanted me to accept delays and disappointments graciously. He wanted me to be more like Him in handling situations that seem to be so dreadful. I had to overlook the ugly things that were happening and see them in a way God would. I had to see how those bad circumstances could actually shape me and mold me into a better, more patient person.

I’ve been through much, much more before, worst days than these. But the thing that made me pull through was the truth that with Him, all my labour, all the hardships and the thousands of bad days are not at all in vain, because they have an eternal purpose, a purpose bigger than the things I could see in the natural.

Being a Christian doesn’t exempt you from all the nasty things in life, but the great thing about it is that you have God and an attitude different from that of the world’s. That day I didn’t really handle the things that came my way the way I used to. My heart wasn’t really accepting the bad things that was bombarded to me in a way God would want me to. But after realizing that I lost my Christian perspective on the events that came across and how they made me really angry, I switched back to my “holy mode”, LOL. Despite of how tired my body was, at the end of the day God lifted my spirit and reminded me of how sufferings and even trivial difficulties can be turned into something that can be used to morph me into a better person and shape my character to be more like Him. Looking back at how that Wednesday pestered me, I realized that had I handled things differently, it wouldn’t have been such a bad day. Because really, it’s not the circumstances that matter, but how our attitude is towards those circumstances.