scribbled sentiments

I spotted this on my old site. I have more prehistoric write ups to upload here… but this is it for now…..

 As I’m writing this article, I’m enjoying this really pretty scenery from my window. It’s an hour before sunset and man do I just love this part of the day, the sun’s rays make the clouds more beautiful. 

I had to take another bath before I turned on the computer. It’s pretty hot in here and I felt really lazy the whole afternoon so I had to take another trip to the bathroom. Shower’s the best remedy for almost all the eekiness I feel during the day. 

Yesterday I had a really great time walking around town with two of my best friends and my little sister. We haven’t done that in ages. We walked the whole time, and it was quite a marathon. I used to complain lengthy walks back in high school, but since my church mates in
Cebu taught me how much fun you get out of treading the city streets, I kinda got the hang of it, enjoyed it in fact.

I was at my dad’s office in the morning and it was quite refreshing to see lots of busy people, I guess my life’s pace got a little slower since I stayed at home (the whole time) this summer. My dad went straight to his meeting when we got there, so I was left in his office sitting in his chair trying to finish the other half of the book Shopaholic Takes Manhattan. By the way, I stopped reading this book weeks ago. I was starting to dislike the story since I couldn’t exactly relate to how shopaholic Rebecca is; actually it’s quite annoying how she’s such an impulsive buyer. She’s also a big fat liar. Anyway, so, yeah, I was there at my dad’s office and that’s about it.

The other night I played billiards with my dad at his favorite restaurant/bar here in our little city. It’s quite a pretty place actually and they had a band playing acoustic music. I beat my dad at a 9-ball “tournament”. The score was 5-3, in favor of me of course. I’m not actually good at billiards, I suck at it actually. It just happens that after my dad finishes off almosl the balls, something terrible happens and I get to put the 9ball in the whole.   

The place also has a nightclub inside. I was watching at the tinted glass door and looked at the colored lights and shadows of people dancing and got curious what was happening inside. But not a part of me wanted to come in, seriously.

MY LITOY SISTOY

I kinda forgot how freaked out people get sometimes when they’d know that I haven’t been inside any club or haven’t drunk or smoked all my life. I was just reminded of that fact when my mom and I were at the spa the other day and she was talking to the owner of the building who happens to be her friend. She told us that we were very welcome to come back to their place again and assured me that I would have a great time at their nightclub. And I was like, “Uhhh…. Thanks, but I’m not really interested. I’m not fond of going to clubs; I haven’t even been in one.” So yeah, she had that stunned look on her face.

I’m starting to get hungry now so I’ll just have to end it here and head to the fridge for something to feed myself with. But let me first share with you an excerpt of this article Charles Stanley wrote that I read this morning. It made quite an impression on me and I reminded once again of how powerful prayer can be. He wrote:

                “Since the Enemy knows the power of prayer, he will use distractions to divert our minds onto anything but prayer. He will do everything possible to keep us from spending time in communion with our heavenly Father. Satan wants us too busy to talk to the One who loves us always, knows everything, and desires to defend us in any situation. Your prayers release His power into your life and make it possible for you to stand firm against every onslaught of the Devil”.

          Little miss me was starting to get grumpy, extremely tired, exhausted, and was really frustrated because almost everything I wanted to do, I could not. The things I planned to accomplish that day just didn’t happen, nothing seemed to fall into place, and it’s just not what I expected for things to turn out last Tuesday. I’ve been walking non-stop the whole day, bathed in the scorching heat of the sun, went from office to office, rode long and irritating jeepney rides, spent hundreds for cabs to spin me around the city, and my back was killing me! I felt like a 90-year old granny suffering from arthritis with my muscle pains on that fateful day. The temperature was a good 25 degrees centigrade, the sun showed no mercy, the heat made me more exasperated, and to my already tan skin, one word: aeta.

And with all those said, and much, much more, still, only very little was done! I was starting to hate it. But I mean c’mon, how silly was I to think that the enrolment process in UP would be a breeze, because it’s so far from being a walk in the park! I knew better. I knew really well that this time of the year we call enrolment is dreaded by everyone because of the hassle that comes along with it. But seriously, I didn’t know it would be that bad this time…

I woke up 5:30, got to school before the offices opened and waited with sheena. I was already one day late for the enrolment in UP. Because if you’re coming from a faraway land like I do, you would know exactly how hard it is to talk your parents out of letting you leave home early. It was the least they could do actually, ‘coz they sometimes tend to convince you to do the late registration… hmp!

Anyway I got lucky and left for cebu on the 7^th. From Mactan Airport I went straight home, took a quick bath, and though still a little nauseated from the trip, I went to school and processed the things I could with the last remaining hour before the faculty office closes. By the time I got there, almost all of my classmates were done with their enrolment. I was still working on my clearance.

Back to November 8. Realizing I needed an affidavit of loss for my school ID before I could jumpstart my enrolment, I got into a 17D jeepney and then walked to the city hall. Boy was I sweating hard. Before I could reach the entrance, a guy then approached me and asked, “Affidavit?”

I swore he was psychic.

After ten minutes, I got my affidavit of loss from him signed by a lawyer I never met. He then overcharged me for his services, asking for 120 pesos when I was sure I was only to pay him 50. I didn’t argue anymore though since he was so determined to trick me, I was too busy for a con like him.

Another long jeepney ride to school. I almost fell off when I got in. This gave the nasty conductor a chance to get his filthy hands on me when he caught my back. If he weren’t such a pervert, I could have thanked him for saving my life.

I was so excited to get on with my enrolment. But my bubble of enthusiasm burst when I was told that our adviser didn’t report the whole morning. And nobody knew if she’ll ever come after the lunch break. Still, I waited for her for four hours I think. So everything got stranded. Whew! I wave of disappointed made my eye browse a little closer to each other and made me smile less, or not smile at all. I then decided to make use of the time and withdraw my money for tuition.

I inserted the card to the machine that has sustained my very existence for the past two years. Pressed a couple of buttons. Happy to be getting money. And then… shoot!! “What was that again?” Holy smokes… this isn’t happening. I forgot my PIN!!!!!!!!

I’m dead.

OK. Calm down. You know this one. 7-4-7…. Argh!!! Uhm… was it zero or three???? Oh brother! This is so typically me. OK. One more time, keep breathing… 7-4-7-0. Voila!!

WRONG PIN

Waaaaa!!! I knew it, it was three!! Okay, another try. 7-4-7-3. Yes!!! I just know I got it right….

WRONG PIN.

Or not.

“Oh Lord… wisdom. C’mon! I know those digits are out here somewhere in my tiny brain… C’mon, spill it out! Argh…..” I had to think about my last number combinations because one mistake could mean fatal for my card.

I had to think it through so I left the ATM, thinking that a little walk in the mall would refresh my dull memory. As I walked inside, it finally hit me! Yeah!!! I got it… I actually remembered!! Woopidoo!! Back to the ATM I go… Lalalala… I got the digits….

I pressed the numbers—- and holding my breath I pushed the last button. Oh God, oh God, oh God….

MAXIMUM NUMBER OF INCORRECT PIN ENTRIES. CARD HAS BEEN RETAINED.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???!! You’re kidding me right??? This cant be happening!! Is this a joke??”

I wanted to cry so bad that moment. How I wished Ashton Kutcher would jump out with his crew and take me out of this miserable reality. But oh yeah, i forgot, I’m not that big of a celebrity just yet. So I just have to deal with this stinky situation at hand.

“Okay God, what next?”

I was still standing there, staring furiously at the monster that ate my baby. I dialled the number plastered on the machine and at the other end of the line was this guy from Manila instructing me on what to do with my predicament. He said I should go to one of the Landbank branches, and so I did, over at Escario. Getting there I talked to one of the tellers, who then said that I should go to their other branch because they were the ones who control the machine in Ayala. And so I did. And I was already getting really irritated this time, and really dead beat too. When I got to the P. Del Rosario branch, I went in and the lady blew me off because I didn’t have a priority number. Fine, you don’t have to be so mean about it though.

It was my turn. I couldn’t wait till I get my hands on my card because I just had to finish the enrolment TODAY. What the teller told me though broke my heart. “Sorry ma’am, you can’t get your card yet. Tomorrow after lunch pa po.” I was pissed all the way.

I negotiated for awhile, asking the tellers for options. But they just couldn’t give me one. There was only one thing they could suggest. Wait till tomorrow.

Mommy……….

I was seriously mad. I just wanted to get on the floor and just whine and cry like a toddler. But I just turned 18, so no can’t do.

Saying I was frustrated would be an understatement. Because I was just freakin pissed big time.

I got back to school coz I had no other choice. I went about with the enrolment process. It was arduous, as always. It was crazy and frustrating. Just use your imagination. Walking back and forth the campus, risking my life every time because I’m bad at crossing the street, I was grouchy and definitely not at my best mood. I was having a bad day, a very bad day. I could almost hear Daniel Powter screaming his chorus at me.

I don’t remember what particular instant that was when the day was almost over that I snapped and realized something I should’ve kept in mind the whole day. PATIENCE. God was trying to teach me that. I prayed so hard for Him to give me favour in all my transactions for the day. Obviously favour I did not have. But God had something different in mind. He wanted me to learn to be affable in horrible occasions. He wanted me to accept delays and disappointments graciously. He wanted me to be more like Him in handling situations that seem to be so dreadful. I had to overlook the ugly things that were happening and see them in a way God would. I had to see how those bad circumstances could actually shape me and mold me into a better, more patient person.

I’ve been through much, much more before, worst days than these. But the thing that made me pull through was the truth that with Him, all my labour, all the hardships and the thousands of bad days are not at all in vain, because they have an eternal purpose, a purpose bigger than the things I could see in the natural.

Being a Christian doesn’t exempt you from all the nasty things in life, but the great thing about it is that you have God and an attitude different from that of the world’s. That day I didn’t really handle the things that came my way the way I used to. My heart wasn’t really accepting the bad things that was bombarded to me in a way God would want me to. But after realizing that I lost my Christian perspective on the events that came across and how they made me really angry, I switched back to my “holy mode”, LOL. Despite of how tired my body was, at the end of the day God lifted my spirit and reminded me of how sufferings and even trivial difficulties can be turned into something that can be used to morph me into a better person and shape my character to be more like Him. Looking back at how that Wednesday pestered me, I realized that had I handled things differently, it wouldn’t have been such a bad day. Because really, it’s not the circumstances that matter, but how our attitude is towards those circumstances.

        The whole family is at our farm right now, we had some pictures taken for daddy’s campaign materials. Oh dear, elections once again. This is gonna be crazy. I’ve excused myself from everyone else, because I was too sick and tired of hearing my father talk about the nasty politicians trying to ruin his reputation. They’ve been throwing crude commentaries about our family in the hopes of pulling my daddy down. I don’t wanna be reminded of how dirty some politicians can be, so I just went inside the car and started typing my heart away here.

        Speaking of politics, I hate it how distorted governance has become in the hands of corrupt politicians. But despite of how seemingly hopeless the political quagmire our country is suffering now, there’s still this faith inside of me that makes me believe that there will come a time when righteousness will reign in our country and traditional politicians no more. But of course I will not march the streets of Fuente for that to be achieved, nor rebel against our government. I have my own views as to how this can be done. And one will be vigilant with our government officials but at the same time not be self-righteous. I find it so ironic when activists rave against how the president has cheated this nation and yet there they are peeping through their seatmate’s paper during examinations. I know the disparity of the immensity of the offence is quite big, but all the major corruption that hurts scores of citizens has to start somewhere small. Probably Pres. GMA at first was involved in some minute anomaly and then obviously as we can see now, the corruption she has done has worsened and it’s now enormous.

         Power does things to people, crazy things. And how can you be sure that when you are seated in that potent position where the people’s money can be yours in a blink of an eye, that you won’t be doing the same things that the politicians you protest against is doing? When all along you have been cheating as well, hiding <em>kodigos </em>on your pocket, have been stealing all the same, have been transgressing law by simply smoking in a campus where it is prohibited, and have said the same lies here and there,or created a whole web of it…

           There’s a difference between standing for righteousness and being self-righteous. I’m not saying that since we are sinful and impossibly impeccable that we shouldn’t object to the ills of people in the government. In fact I believe that we should act against it and do all we can (in the context of due process) for justice to prevail. I’m only saying that while we examine all the faults and flaws of other people, we should also check out ourselves in the mirror and see if there’s a big log in our eye.

Me: Hello mommy?

Mom: Blablabla…..

Me: Yeah I’m doing good, really stressed but I’m fine.

Mom: Ladidadidaduda?

Me: Mom I’m really sorry but it’s quite impossible for me to do that, I am piled with tons of requirements. Saturday or Friday would probably be good, but tomorrow, I don’t think so, I’m super sorry mommy…”

      Oh Lord, forgive me for I have sinned!! I did some serious repenting after that phone call believe you me, LOL. I’m not a very good liar, but I’m a smashing actress, that I can tell you! So there, thanks to my acting worthy of an Academy award, I got my mom believing that her daughter can’t make it to the most special day of her life. But what can I do? It was just such a classic prank to pull to a mother who hasn’t seen her college girl for months, and who has been thrilled for weeks that shed finally get to come home and celebrate her birthday with her… Well, I guess I broke her heart when I told her I’m too busy on October 17.

         But little did she know that while I was calling her, saying that it would take a week before I could leave Cebu, I already have a plane ticket booked and all of my bags were already packed, three hours away from my departure. That day was the conclusion for the excruciatingly stressful period UPians dub “hellweek”, well its more like a month of hellish torture actually. That day, almost all of the final requirements were to be passed, and like the exemplary student that I am, what made it crazier was this art that I’ve come to master over the years… cramming! But despite of how crazy that day was, and how oh so convenient it would be for me to delay my coming home, I just had to pull this surprise on my mom, I just had to!!!

           So after a very long and tiring process of finishing all of my paper work and submitting them all , I finally got inside the cab at around 2pm, with the help of Sheena and Edsa. And with my last remaining strength we placed my luggage at the trunk since the cab driver was too lazy of an ass to help out. “Bye Nice! I miss you already…” Sheena yelled as I closed the door and bid goodbye.

         I was trembling the whole time and my head was spinning like crazy because of so many sleepless nights and no food intake the whole day… I still didn’t get to purchase my ticket so I was in such a hurry to get to the airport that I thought lunch would be a waste of time. I couldn’t possibly miss this flight.

          I was going home with my good friend Jay-jay and I felt bad that I was too busy to keep him company before our flight. So there, to cut the long story short we got inside the waiting lounge, went straight to the first snack bar we could see, because man was I starving big time!!!!!!! I was sooo hungry I could eat a whole cow… or maybe not. Actually it was just half of a sandwich, weird but true. After starving myself for hours, I already felt full after eating just a morsel of the chicken sandwich that I bought for a fortune.

          So there, we were on the plane, we got picked up by a nice friend of Jay’s mom at Davao International Airport, was dropped off to the van terminal, commuted (yes we commuted) to Kidapawan, waited on the official waiting shed of the city (DBP) and waited for Jay’s mom to come pick us up. I was so careful not to be seen by anyone I knew since I didn’t want to spoil the surprise… But after like 15 minutes of waiting, Jay suddenly said with a terrified-ish tone, “Nice your dad!!” and sheer panic rushed through my senses! We both saw daddy’s ride drive by… It was breath-taking! Scary even. Actually it was a combination of fear and hilarity as I rushed to anything that could hide me from my dad’s sight (it turns out it was just the driver inside). I seriously looked like a complete nut hiding behind first Jay and then the durian tree and then ran to the ATM booth!! I was like Charlie Chaplin in one of his antics! Realizing that I didn’t get caught, I was so relieved and just laughed off my foolishness.

         You don’t know how excited I was as we got closer and closer to our street. And when I stepped out of their car, I could almost hear my heart pumping; I was so thrilled to see the look on their faces!!! I’m sure they would be surprised to death!

And surprised they were. Boy was my mom stunned when she saw me!!

I went to great lengths to pull up a surprise like this one, and the fact that I commuted home was something! LOL. I agreed to subject myself to severe inconvenience so mommy would have an extra special birthday, haa… the things I do for that woman. LOL. Actually it was no biggy. It was worth all the hassle when I saw how delighted my mother was! She couldn’t believe her eyes when I started singing her a birthday song as I walked in for my grand entourage… It was as if she’ve seen a ghost! LOL. Without a shadow of a doubt my mom was very happy with what I did, and my daddy too! I just luuurv surprises………………..